The Drive-On Rag#14
"Eat shit and LIVE!"
VOLUME III #14 THE Unofficial Newspaper of SpecOps! 1 MAR 2000
Editors note:http://surf.to/fieldcmdr check out the site, DON'T be a pathetic loser.
Fort Bragg, NC - Recruiting will soon become a piece of cake as recruiters prepare to receive the long-awaited "average NCOER." Recruiters eagerly anticipate meeting their quotas with ease, thanks to the Army's new recruitment incentive packages. Under the new program set to hit the streets this spring, no longer do you need to have graduated high school. For that matter, you won't need a GED either. Now, you can join the Army and take your pick of the finest jobs we have by simply proving you have a pulse. Not only that, your pulse will qualify you for over $50K of college dough, PLUS a signing bonus of $20,000 bones! Hell, I don't know WHAT I was thinking when I enlisted last year. I could have fucked off completely in my senior year, did all the drugs I wanted to, and STILL made my E-4 by now, but with THOUSANDS of dollars in my pocket! Recruiter SSG Breeding of USAREC comments: "I couldn't recruit SHIT down in Texas last year. McDonalds was paying more than the Army for fewer hours worked. How the hell was I supposed to compete with that? So I quit recruiting." SGT Long, potential sucker, I mean RECRUITER, comments: "I can't wait to hit the beaches in Malibu and Pacific Palisades, CA to recruit all the idiots I want! Recruiting will be like picking peaches off a tree! With all the dough the Army is dealing, recruiting any retard off the street will be a breeze!" For more information, go tothe Army's web site and find out how YOU can make thou$ands, and still be a pathetic loser!
ASK SGT BOB
Dear SGT Bob:I have a boss who, is an officer, was at Ft. Bragg for 3 1/2 years and refused to go airborne. Does this qualify him as a wimp? Or do you have some other choice words for him?
--An airborne soldier at Ft. Irwin
Dear Desert LEG:
First off, I see you must have done something wrong while you were airborne, to be sent to Ft. Irwin. My condolences for not being able to continue your career at the Home of The Airborne. You forgot to mention that that "lead from the drop-zone's gut-truck" CW2 was merely a PBO in an engineer unit, and not a real combat trooper when he was here at Ft. Bragg 20 years ago. You also didn't mention what this officer did to get kicked out of Ft Bragg and sent to Ft. Irwin. Was it because of his persistent jump refusal? Trooper, I respect LEGS. Remember my fellow trooper, the Army NEEDS legs. Why? Because without LEGS, we wouldn't be elite now, would we? Congratulate that officer each and every day and buy him a cup of coffee for making you MORE elite! Whenever I see a leg, I think to myself, "DAMN, there goes another soldier that makes me the elite trooper that I am today." Your zero's (slang for "O's") refusal to attend jump school, although demonstrative of normal fear found in most men, simply brings him in line with the Army's 350,000 active-duty legs throughout the world. Remember that LEGS are to be respected by all troopers throughout the world for making us who we are! So is he a wimp? Maybe. But even he has made me more elite. I salute him!
Feeling incorrect? Got a question for SGT Bob? Simply e-mail it to firstname.lastname@example.org and your question might just be placed in an upcoming issue. , We found out that MSG Bob is basically a total loser and embodies the "Shit Floats to the Top" theory of Army promotion.
PSYOP Unmanned Radio Vehicle, (PURV)
Fort Bragg, NC. This week at the 4th POG (A) headquarters, the newest weapon in the PSYOP inventory was introduced to the public; the Psyop Unmanned Radio Vehicle, or PURV. The PURV was designed to take the place of the C-130 Commando Solo, the airframe currently used to broadcast PYSOP over many different countries. MAJ Leedham, from the USACAPOC (A) Force Mod office, had this to say: "We are really excited to have a new PURV here in the CAPOC, and I cannot think of anyplace better for our PURV to go than the 4th POG (A). "
Originally, the PURV had been intended for use by the CIA in their "black PYSOP" campaigns. Understandably, the PURV would be best for the underhanded, untrustable, sometimes pornographic, campaigns that the CIA has been known to undertake. However, on closer examination of the potential of this remarkable device, it was determined that the PURV should go into immediate production for use in the US Armyís PSYOP units.
"At first, we had more PURVs in the reserve forces, but now, with the addition of a 4th unit, we have more PURVs in our active duty units," said LTC Paul Mullin, DCO of the 4th POG (A). "Additionally, this will lead to the newest MOS in the Army, another member of the CAPOC family, the PSYOP Unmanned Radio Vehicle Operator, or PURVO-MOS 69L."
"The best thing about a PURV is this," says SSG Brian Hutchins (seen in our last issue with Cindy Crawford), "For every PURV that goes down, we still have a whole crew of PURVOs that has come through unscathed. How can you beat that? While I hate to see anything go down, I would rather it be a PURV than a regular joe. Itís what the PURV was made for. Also, if we lose the PURV, we still have the PURVO. Itís a win-win situation, no matter how you look at it.
PAGE 2 GIRL
Denise Richards (Starship Troopers) would rather disrobe than read The DriveOn Rag.
Don't Ask, Don't Tell, Don't Pursue, Don't Giggle
J. D. Pendry--Sam, a friend of mine, just sent me a quote attributed to anonymous. This may not be exactly right, but I think it went "When I came in the military it was illegal to be homosexual, then it became optional. I'm getting out before it becomes mandatory." I guess it's just another sign of where we've come from to get where we are today. Sam's e-mail caused me to think about some things.
I was sitting in one of the little auditoriums at the Sergeant's Major Academy a few years ago while attending the CSM course. We were being lectured on the then new Don't Ask, Don't Tell policy by a lawyer LTC. He had a tough crowd of senior NCOs willing to debate the merits of this program with him. After fending off many of our negative comments and staunchly defending the policy he told us we might as well accept the fact that gays will be allowed to serve in the military. He followed that up with another remark. He told us that there were plenty of gays in the military now and he was certain that someone in the very room we were in was gay. A lot of sideways glances shot around the room and as the mumbling began to pick up one of the CSM designees looked at the LTC and said, "Colonel, there's only one way I know of that you could make that statement with such certainty." There was a lot of snickering after that and the conversation sort of went south.
Pondering this whole situation (from the outside this time) my mind wandered back to some other times. I remember being at Fort Eustis, Virginia in 1973, assigned to the 7th Transportation Group. During that time, the Women's Army Corps (WAC) was alive and well. They also had their very own WAC companies and barracks. Now I don't want to get attacked by any female soldiers here because what I'm about to report is a piece of factual history. Boys and girls (but mostly boys) commonly referred to the WAC barracks as the Sugar Shack. Also, during that time the powers decided that we no longer needed a Women's Army Corps, and that women were to be fully integrated into the regular Army with the rest of us. You guessed it. No more Sugar Shack because the girls were going to live in the same barracks with the boys. You have to imagine how hard that was to take for a Korean War and Vietnam veteran 1SG who knew ever cuss word in several languages and used most of them whenever he talked to his company in a formation. Now his formation was going to have girl soldiers in it too. Adding to Top's dilemma they also moved into his barracks. Top had to have a boy and girl CQ roster now, because the girls were sealed off on their own floor of the barracks. Not only that, but now he had to inspect a girl's latrine and rooms that had teddy bears in them. That was hard on Top, but he eventually worked it out.
My mind then fast-forwarded to 1988. There I was a 1SG in Germany, in a brand spanking new renovated barracks. On each floor of the barracks I had male and female latrines. They were color coded too just in case one became disoriented during a hard drinking German beer and schnapps night. The girl's had pink tile and the boy's had blue. No kidding. Occasionally a drunken boy would wander into the pink one. Occasionally boys and girls would share. Yep, I caught a couple. The giggling always seemed to give them away. If they'd practiced a little noise discipline I'd probably never had any extra training toilet scrubbers. They used to get upset when I'd tell them that since they liked to spend so much time together in the toilet I was happy to make it possible and legal for them to do so.
I used to wonder how much money would have been saved to use for other things if we had not integrated soldier living quarters. I had a four story barracks with eight full sized latrines, which was much more shower and latrine capacity than I ever needed for the number of soldiers living there. Now, fast forward a few more years and you find the Navy retooling combat ships so that they can accommodate girl and boy crews.
But, how do we resolve the other issue? The way I see it, there are now at least four sexes to accommodate - boys who prefer girls, girls who prefer boys, girls who prefer girls and boys who prefer boys. Of course, you could argue for five when you consider those who are adventuresome. However, I don't think four separate latrines will meet the need. It's kind of like this, girls can shower together and boys can shower together. What I can't figure out is how to accommodate those new sexes. I mean, would it be right to allow boys who like boys to shower with other boys unless of course it was ok for boys who like girls and girls who prefer boys to shower together? It only gets more complicated when you factor in the girls who prefer girls and downright confusing if you consider the AC DC possibility. And, I just don't know what the hell the Navy is going to do. This just may be the justification we need for every soldier, sailor, airmen, and marine to get their own private bathroom.
Shhhhhhhh, if you are very quiet you can hear the giggling. Noise discipline troops, noise discipline.
Editor's note: J.D. Pendry is a retired CSM and has a web site called JD's Bunker.