The Drive-On Rag 3

"ITíS NOT A LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL, ITíS AN ONCOMING TRAIN!"

042346Z AUG The Unofficial Newspaper of Cabanas í98 volume 3

WHAT THE DEALIO?
Or: Things That Make You Go Hmmm!

So why didnít the mess hall just change the breakfast hours to 0630-0830?

Fact or Fiction: An unnamed unit is restricted to BDUís? Camp rumor is that some of its soldiers were caught watching a movie (gasp!) with 7th Group Cool Guys. Hmmmm.

Has anyone checked out the NCO Club behind bldg. 407 yet? (hee hee hee)
_________________________________
ASK SGT BOB
DEAR SGT BOB: How do I get out of this chickenshit outfit? A Disgruntled SPC
Dear Ambitious Young Paratrooper:
The rest of us took the initiative and went to Selection. If you really want out of the 528th that badly, get your act together and go to Selection. Hell, it took me 3 times to pass the Q-Course, but I eventually made it.
Got a question for SGT Bob? Just put it on a post-it-note and stick it in the 3d stall on the wall. Heíll find it!
We found out that MSG Bob is REALLY only a graduate of the Q Course (3rd time go), Air Assault, Army Band Course (piccolo) and is still a former Laundry and Bath Specialist. He has done corrective training as a bellhop at Army Guest Housing at Ft. Wainwright AK. He was also sent on a 6-month tour in Antarctica for freezing his tongue on the Main Post flagpole in January at Bragg. This unfortunate incident occurred while he was the NCOIC of the Flag Raising/Lowering detail as a SPC.
_________________________________
TOP TEN USEFUL PHRASES WHEN TDY TO MOSLEM AREAS
10. Akbar Khali-Kali Haftir Lotfan. Thank you for showing me your marvelous gun
9.Fekr Gabul ush Divar Cardan Davat Gavar:
I am delighted to accept your kind invitation to lie down on the floor with my arms over my head and my legs spread
Auto Arraregh Daveteman Oeh Sepaheh-Hast
It is very kind of you to let me travel in the trunk of your car
7. Fashal-eh Tupehman Na Degat Mano Goftam Cheeshayeii Mohemara Jebehkeshvarehman
If you will do me the kindness of not harming my genital regions I will gladly reciprocate by betraying my country in public
6. Maternier Ghermez Ahlieh Ghorban The red blindfold will be lovely, Excellency
5. Tikeh nuneh Ba Ob Khrelleh Bezorg Va Khrube Boyast Ino Begeram
The water soaked breadcrumbs are delicious; I must have the recipe
4. Cardan Davat Gush Haftir Lotfan. What time is the next coup?
3. Khali-Kali Haftir Oeh Sepaheh-Hast What time does the next car bomb go off?
2. Davat Gush Fekr Arraregh Daveteman Gabul Cardan Divar
What time does the next hotel blow up?
1.Cheeshayeii Mohemara Jebehkeshvar-ehman Fashal-eh Tupehman
Would you believe this is the first time we have been held hostage?
CONGRESS ANNOUNCES NEW STATE MOTTOS
These new mottos were passed by congress last week:
Arkansas: Litterasy Ain't Everthing
Connecticut: Like Massachusetts, Only Dirtier and With Less Character
Georgia: We Put the "Fun" in Fundamentalist Extremism
Hawaii: Haka Tiki Mou Sha'ami Leeki Toru
(Death to Mainland Scum, But Leave Your Money)
Kentucky: Five Million People: Fifteen Last Names
Louisiana: We're Not All Drunk Cajun Wackos, But That's Our Tourism Campaign.
Maryland: A Thinking Man's Delaware
Michigan: First Line of Defense From the Canadians
Minnesota: "10,000 Lakes and 10,000,000,000 Mosquitoes"
Mississippi: Come Feel Better About Your Own State
Missouri: Your Federal Flood Relief Tax Dollars at Work
Montana: Land of the Big Sky, the Unabomber, Right-Wing Crazies, and Very Little Else
New Jersey: You Want a ##$%##! Motto? I Got Yer ##$%##! Motto Right Here! (Hell even The Drive-On Rag canít print every cuss word!)
Oregon: Spotted Owl... It's What's For Dinner
South Carolina: Remember the Civil War? We Didn't Actually Surrender.
Tennessee: The Educashun State
Texas: Si, Hablo Ingles (Yes, I speak English)
Utah: Our Jesus Is Better Than Your Jesus
Virginia: Who Says Government Stiffs and Slackjaw Yokels Don't Mix?
Washington, D.C.: Wanna Be Mayor?
West Virginia: One Big Happy Family -- Really!
EDITORIAL
Editorís Notes: Remember, if you read it in The Drive-On Rag, you know itís true. All facts in The Drive-On Rag are guaranteed to be based on rumor and speculation. And like that OTHER "legitimate" paper floating around the mess hall, we too are Bilingual! We even give you the translations for the Arabic stuff! Oh, by the way, that grenade simulator in MSG Bobís 3d stall that was rigged underneath the bottom of the toilet seat wasnít funny. However, you should have seen the look on his face when he ran out of the Latrine with his ass on fire screaming bloody murder! SGT Bob is now walking around camp carrying a donut for his ass under his arm. So if you see him in the mess hall, stay out of his way, heís out for blood. Remember: here at Cabanas 98, you canít buy The Drive-On Rag. The Rag is free, but itís not cheap. So if youíre on The Rag, then your buddy must want to be on The Rag, too. So git off your dead ass and make some copies for him!
Drive-On!

Links!!

The FIELD COMMANDER'S Podium

The Drive-On Rag Archives