The Drive-On Rag 4
"I DIDN’T ASK YOU TO DANCE, I SAID YOU LOOK FAT IN THOSE PANTS!"
052134Z AUG The Unofficial Newspaper of Cabanas ’98 volume 4CAMP SANTIAGO BANKING SYSTEM COLLAPSES!
In a shrewd move by AAFES (Army and Air Force Extortion Syndicate), the ATM is no longer available on camp, therefore the PX will offer "free" check cashing services. This is to increase sales if your money is in your pocket in the store. A spokesperson from ODA 714, SFC Thurman was quoted as saying "Cabanas ë98 will result in record donations to the Camp Santiago MWR fund on post! Great, that means the NCO Club will get EVEN MORE funding!"
QUOTE OF THE DAY
"We trained hard,but it seemed every time we were beginning to form into teams, we would be reorganized. I was to learn later in life that we tend to meet any new situation by reorganizing; and a wonderful method it can be for creating the illusion of progress while producing confusion, inefficiency and demoralization."
Petronius Arbiter 66 AD
ASK SGT BOB
DEAR SGT BOB: I think you are a fraud and a phony. Who the hell do you think you are? An Angry SGM
Dear Pissed Off: If I paid attention to every yayhoo on the camp, I wouldn’t be where I was today. Think about it this way, If it weren’t for guys like me, guys like you wouldn’t have an opinion!
DEAR SGT BOB: I don’t think The Drive-On Rag is very funny. A Serious LTC
DEAR LTC: uh So?
DEAR SGT BOB: I am having trouble finding a copy of The Drive-On Rag for myself. Where can I get it and how can I get back issues? SFC Avid Fan of Yours
Dear Kiss-Ass: If you would’ve just signed your damn real name instead of sucking up to me like a slimy little staff puke, I wouldn’t have had to waste valuable space in my column telling the world what kind of sorry ass, twinkle-toed, boot licker you really are. Now let’s get down to business, scumbag. The Drive-On Rag Publishing Company has now installed a dispenser in the main latrine where my world famous 3d stall is located, (also where some sorry meat gazer put signs telling how to use the damn toilet in Spanish.) This is so as many yayhoos as possible can get a copy. Unfortunately, due to the tremendous popularity of The Drive-On Rag, you may not get at it in time. So get your friends to make you a copy. As for back issues, sorry bud, you are S.O.L. Unless you happen to know a Drive-On Rag staff member that can make you a disk!
Got a question for SGT Bob? Just put it on a post-it-note and stick it in the 3d stall on the wall. He’ll find it!
We found out that MSG Bob is guilty of writing false statements on DA 5598’s and not PMCS’ing his vehicle before dispatching it at the motor pool, gambling with NCO’s junior in rank, cheating on CTT exams, writing "fluffed up" NCOER’s, and falsifying his and others’ Marksmanship scores. Also he has written bad checks at the PX the night before payday. Furthermore, he is under investigation for going through chow lines twice, and parking illegally in the CSM spots at the PX. By the way, he is still a former Laundry and Bath Specialist.
Dear Editor: Get the hell off my back, you suck ass, no-time-in-grade cheese ball cherry! MSG Bob
WHAT THE DEALIO?
I have been in the mess hall at every meal, and have never had my stinking badge checked! Editor’s note: this was true until it rained, when they finally asked for it, and would have gotten a kick out of making me walk back to my room to get the stinking badge during the deluge, had I forgotten it.
Boy, I would not want to be SGT Fuller; he’s got his hands full!
Circulation of this paper is only 20!
If gas is supposed to be cheaper at AAFES, and they are not charging NC 6% sales tax, why isn’t gas at least 6% cheaper on post? Sales tax is included in the price at the pump off post. hmm.
Has anyone checked out the NCO Club behind bldg. 407 yet? (hee hee hee)DRIVE ON RAG NOMINATED FOR PULITZER PRIZE
The Drive-On Rag has been nominated for the excellence in journalism award. This comes as no surprise to the staff, who has believed in what they do to provide Cabanas 98 with an alternative to the normal trash or lack of normal trash available to the deployed soldier.
The Drive-On Rag’s staff came up with the following reasons to allow beer drinking at all times during Cabanas: 1. It's an incentive to show up to work early. 2. It reduces stress. 3. It leads to more honest communications. 4. It reduces complaints about low pay and the heat. 5. It cuts down on time off because you would be allowed to show up at work with a hangover. 6. Enlisted soldiers would tell officers what they think, not what the officers want to hear. 7. Increases job satisfaction because if you have a bad day you don't care. 8. It eliminates R&R days because people would rather come to work. 9. It makes fellow soldiers look better. 10. It makes the mess hall food taste better 11. Bosses are more likely to hand out great NCOER’s when they’re wasted. 12. It’s a good re-up incentive. 13. Suddenly, farting during a briefing isn't so embarrassing 14. No one will remember your strip act at the Closing ceremonies
Remember: here at Cabanas 98, you can’t buy The Drive-On Rag. The Rag is free, but it’s not cheap. So if you’re on The Rag, then your buddy must want to be on The Rag, too. So git off your dead ass and make some copies for him.